Last evening the city almost drowned. But the brave men of Kashmir (but not Raj Bagh) saved the entire population. The men folk rebuilt the bunds, diverted the water and fervently prayed that the rains stop. Then God listened to the men and accepted their manly pleas and the rains subsided. So the little valley rumbled in a collective (masculine) sigh that there wont be a repeat of a 2014-like situation.
2014, which we all remember as the year when women and a dog in Raj Bagh caused destructive floods in Kashmir. Women in Kashmir are known to run families, protests and occasional casual calamities. This could have been easily prevented but as everyone realizes girls in Raj Bagh will just not stop wearing jeans. To top it all, scooties have spread like a, God forbid, flood in the city. The girls are taking the wind under their hijabs and buzzing about like its nobody’s business.
Will these women not let the men live in peace?
As Bilal, the young man in a pink cardigan, took it upon himself to stand by the Jehlum and point out that out of all the ills in the society uncontrolled women is the absolute worst. These women, the uncontrolled kind, have become a liability which, he sermonized to a small gathering and a larger audience through Facebook Live, must be checked. He was shocked as he narrated that no one, literally no one, was asking the girls where they were when they return from wherever they had been to. How can a society not have floods when the men are not asking the right questions? To be fair, Bilal also thinks that the family who (and he is an eye witness to it) prepared 17 quintals of meat for some reason is partly to be blamed for the floods.
If it is not quite clear how women’s apparel and earthquakes are connected then you clearly havent paid attention in Urdu poetry classes. If wearing tight clothes wasn’t bad enough, these women also go with zulf pareshaan (untied hair), the same condition which is known to bring dark clouds of misery and incessant rainfall which the poets confused with blessings.
And lets not even talk about celebrating a dog’s birthday – a topic so scandalous that when the maid narrated it to my mother she lowered her voice to a whisper and nodded her head in the shame of having to relate it. How can such things be tolerated? Who in their right mind will make a cake for a dog? A dog, not even a cat!
But if it is not for the mobile phones, the jeans and the high heels, or the scooties what could it possibly be? There is another potential reason for the floods floating around in the form of a video where a guy is serenading a girl with a rap song and promises to take her around on, Khuda raechhin (God forbid), a scooty!
I say we are doomed.